Fingerprints and Memories are Two Things Uniquely My Own

Those of you who have known me for a while may remember the time I was tricked into believing I was stealing a car. Or the time I stole a riverboat. Now, I have taken it all one step further. I stole a car. As a result, I had to go to the police station here in Washington, D.C. and be fingerprinted. My hands got all inky, but it was otherwise quite an adventure and very enjoyable!
In order to impress the policemen (who turned out to be friendly women), I had dressed up with a suit jacket and everything. When I got home, I didn't bother changing, so when a group of us went out that night I was still dressed up, while everyone else had changed into more casual clothes. We went down to the National Mall to look at a bunch of monuments. Fortunately for all of them, I recently purchased a guide book for D.C., recommended by my good friend Sydney, which I read before we arrived. I kept spouting off facts about all the monuments that no one else knew (such as that the Vietnam War Memorial was designed by 21-year-old Yale student Maya Lin as a class project, or that in the 1830s the Know-Nothing party stormed the partially-built Washington Monument in outrage at the Pope having donated a block of marble and took it over, leaving it unfinished for some thirty or forty years). Everyone seemed to like it, so I kept going. Eventually we ended up over near the Washington Monument, with the entire group huddled around me as I expounded the story of the Know-Nothing takeover. We realized suddenly that because of my much more formal dress, most passers-by probably thought I was an official tour guide. And thus the idea of having me pose as a tour guide was born! I will certainly let you know when we do it, but we are currently planning on me taking us on a tour of the monuments at the Mall to see how many random people we can collect thinking I am a real tour guide. This will be exciting.
In the afternoon on Friday I went with some others to the Library of Congress. There, I found myself severely missing my wonderful friend and museum buddy, Davielle Durfy, as I indeed went so much more slowly than everyone else that they ended up leaving me there and proceeding on to other activities without me. 'Twas a shame, indeed, that I have not found anyone here who puts up with (and in fact matches) my slow museum pace as well as she.
Furthermore, in closing, I have a bone to pick with swine flu, as it has canceled my mom's study abroad in Mexico this summer. I am currently offering a prize to one who can bring me swine flu's head on a platter; we are hereby mortal enemies, and anyone who can shoot swine flu down will become my eternal friend.